Being a people-pleaser could make your life miserable! You are always looking for validation from other people to feel better about yourself.
In psychology, seeking to please everyone means that your sense of personal security and self-esteem are dependent on other people’s approval.
Unfortunately, this behavior is extremely toxic and could lead to dire consequences. Being afraid to say no to people can make you overcommitted, which will negatively impact your health since you will be put under a lot of pressure, get less sleep, and always feel anxious and stressed.
Since you are reading this article, you probably want to avoid this behavior and stop being a people pleaser; however, you might have some doubts on how to execute your decision. I mean, no one would want to appear rude when refusing a task given by people.
After all, there is a fine line between nicely refusing and coming out as ill-mannered.
In this article, I will provide you with some of the tips you could follow to stop being a people pleaser while still being nice.
Tips on How to Stop Being a People Pleaser
Think of Yourself First
Yes, you saw that right. You should always come first.
Always set your priorities before accepting to do something for another person. Ask yourself whether you want to do this or not. Do you feel comfortable doing it? Is it even worth it? Do you have more important things to do?
If you feel the urge to accept the task simply because you don’t want to say no to the other person, then say NO.
Think about yourself first. There is nothing wrong with being a little selfish. However, avoid being rude about it. You can still be nice while refusing to do the favor.
Know When You Are Being Manipulated
Most people won’t know when they’re being manipulated. A comment here, flattery there, and you’re hooked!
Be very careful with people who try to manipulate you into doing something for them. Phrases like, “Oh my god sis, you are the best at making cakes and pies, would you bake a cake for my son’s birthday?” or “I swear I never met someone as good as you at decorating, I will never ask someone else to do it!”
As you can see, phrases like these will practically make the decision for you before you even say a word, which will make it 100 times harder to refuse to do that service for them.
Therefore, you should be more careful when someone is trying to manipulate you! Get ahead of the situation and tell them that you can’t do it because of “X” reason.
Think About It
Whenever someone asks you for a favor, say that you have to think about it first. This will eliminate the urgency and the pressure to say yes automatically.
When you take the time to think about it, you can ask yourself a few questions:
- Will I be able to do this task without feeling overwhelmed?
- Will I hate the person who asked me this favor during the task?
- Am I ready for this commitment?
Asking yourself these questions will help you determine whether you’ll agree or refuse to do the task.
Of course, some people will still put a sense of urgency and ask you to answer by yes or no immediately.
Obviously, in this case, answer by no. This way, you’ll have time to think about it and maybe change your mind, whereas, if you say yes, you are stuck.
Being a people-pleaser means you are a serial apologist.
When you refuse to do a favor or do something that upset one person, you might get the urge to start apologizing and making a thousand excuses. However, before you do that, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “are you really in fault here?”
This question will save you a lot of apologizing.
If you find yourself in the wrong, then it is okay to apologize to that person. However, if you did nothing wrong, DO NOT APOLOGIZE! Constantly asking for forgiveness will make you seem vulnerable, and people will try to take advantage of that.
Of course, don’t be super rude about it. Simply, avoid frequent “sorrys.”
Say NO More Often
I know what you’re thinking, “that’s easier said than done.”
However, saying no is a skill that you must learn to survive today. If you agree to do all the favors people ask, you will eventually get burned out.
Learn to say no to tasks you don’t want to do. I know it will be hard the first time, but it is absolutely necessary!
Moreover, you’re saying no for good reasons; you must leave time for yourself and the people you really want to help, so don’t beat yourself up.
Being a people-pleaser is exhausting. You’ll get overloaded with work, stressed, and overwhelmed. Therefore, learning to give no for an answer is a must!
However, you should find a balance so that you don’t come off as rude. Decline but nicely.
If you are dealing with this issue or know someone who is, feel free to share your story in the comment section below. We would be happy to read it.